Limiting Love

I wanted to write about these two verses and how they have been applying to my life.   My life as a first year science teacher.
















To start, teaching in general is more than just giving information to a bunch of children day after day.  We become invested in these student's lives.  Laugh about them, cry about them, pray about them, think of them constantly!  My students come home with me everyday, are there when I eat dinner, and greet me first thing in the morning (figuratively).  I have much love and care for this group of 50 some kids.  Even though the year isn't even halfway done, I find myself very invested in their welfare and their future.

That's where I get to this little thought that I had today during my run.  The song "Fix My Eyes" by For King and Country was playing.  Some of the lyrics to the song really stuck out in my head more than usual.

"Love like I'm not scared,
Give when its not fair,
Live life for another,
Take time for a brother,
Fight for the weak ones,
Speak out for freedom,
Find faith in the battle,
Stand tall but above it all,
Fix my eyes on you."

Right now in the classroom, I have been struggling.  I want the world for these kids, and I want them to want them to reach for it.  However, I am having trouble with some kids having the desire to learn and do well for themselves.  I have a room of bright kids and they could all accomplish so much that I get so frustrated!  And then I look at myself, how I am trying to keep up with the new subject material, study, and efficiently instruct the children while maintaining sanity, healthy diet, and a good relationship with friends and my boyfriend.  So where's the space.  How can I show love in everything I do-like the song says...when I don't have time for it all????  How??

In the spring of last year, while being a fourth grade teacher, I found myself almost breaking up with my boyfriend about this particular issue.  In my head, I felt that all the love that I had been giving to my students was not being split into sections that my boyfriend had now occupied some of.  I had a certain that my students needed to occupy all of the love I had available in Suriname, and that I was here for that task and that task only. I needed to take my love for my boyfriend and put it all into my class and classroom.

But that is wrong.  Because I forgot that love is limitless.

Humans aren't given a fixed supply of love. Because God is love. And God is omnipotent and Omnipresent and doesn't have any restrictions. Love is the same. It is limitless. We can't comprehend it, can't measure it, can't compartmentalize it. It just is.


My mom once told me she thought she knew what love was. And then she had children. She held my big brother in her arms and was given more love than she had ever experienced before.


As a teacher, I have a lot of children. In fact, every year I will get new children. New children to love, to nurture, and hopefully teach them a few things. It isn't the same as your own personal children, however I am sure that many teachers out there can say that there are some similarities, and as a single unmarried woman, I can tell you that some days that feel like my children.

Anyways, it is a comfort to know that every year, I will have a non dwindling supply of love that will be poured into me from the Lord. This love will carry me through the school year. It will help me fight for the weak students, and speak out for those that need help. It will keep me strong when I am feeling defeated and weak. It will help me stand taller when things are not going my way, and will help me when I need to put myself second and help another.


Because love has no limits-it will only grow.

God has no limits, and He is love.


Believe in God, and that through Him and His love you will bring forth joy. God's love will sustain us and increase in our lives. It is a love you can rely on and trust-an eternal one.

Here We Go Again!

So, for the second year in a row I have finished packing hours before I leave for the airport.  Once again, this usually never happens.  But, in celebration of this personal shooting star of mine, I thought I would take the time out to write a blog post!  I sometimes look back at the posts, and have noticed for the most part I have written one each time I depart from the United States.  This time is extra exciting because I am departing from my hometown airport instead of making the trek to Chicago.  This is a blessing-no one enjoys a three hour car trip to an all day flight day that starts at midnight.

Anyways,

This year that is a lot of in the air.  I have made the huge leap from teaching fourth grade to teaching high school science.  Unfortunately, some of my summer work got sidetracked when my laptop went into the repair store, and still unfortunately has yet to come out.  An unexpected twist had me purchasing a new one that I am still not quite sure I can afford.  Which leads me to careers and places and all the new faces.  Or will I finally have the strength and dedication necessary to get my weight under control.  This has certainly been a summer of uncertainty.  That has been a struggle for someone like me, who does like to plan things out-not necessarily details, but definite foundation laying plans. 

Not knowing what your future holds involves a lot of trust.  Thankfully, I have put my trust where it counts-Jesus Christ.  He has yet to steer me wrong, even though I have attempted to do so on my own sometimes. 

So, I plan on focuses on what I do know, instead of what I don't. 

But here is what I know concretely:

1) I have a God who loves me.
Not only am I told this repeatedly in the Bible, but it is proven daily from all the blessings I have in my life.  It is proven in acts of kindness and compassion.  I keep thinking of the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us," and its message about the sacrifice and suffering that Jesus underwent for my soul.  If someone loves me and cares for me that much, do I truly think that they are just going to let me go willy-nilly and not keep an eye on me?  No thank you!  He has invested quality time in this relationship-that's love.


2) I have a God who provides.
Sure, I have no money.  And some months I am really stretching that last dollar or SRD until payday, while I drive my old but steady bike to school, and wonder if an apple and peanut butter is a sufficient meal to last me all day.

However, I am not starving.  Even when I think I will not be able to make a meal, God provides a roommate who is willing to share a taco, some Chinese food, or a cookie.  When I wonder how I am going to get by, God always provides a way.  It has come to a point, where I honestly feel silly for worrying because God has always come through.  Always.  There really isn't a reason for me to doubt. 

3) The road ahead is filled with twists and turns and highs and lows.
I know that following God has never guaranteed me an easy carefree life.  I think it is just the opposite.  But, it is a life that is not lived alone.  God is always with me through every bout of homesickness, through every stressed school day, and through every moment of insecurity.  My life is not easy, but it is blessed. 

So with those three concrete thoughts I head back to South America for my third year. I am excited to see all of the new teachers and the returning ones.  I am excited to see the students.  I am excited to see my friends and my boyfriend.  Hopefully this year will be filled with more blog posts, because a lot happened last year that I wish I could have documented.  Maybe this new computer will do the trick!

Trust in God.  Let Him use you to make waves, not ripples. Run the race. Fight the Fight.