This is a memory that is about five years old. It came to my head during chapel today when
we were singing worship songs. Every week
we put about 60 students on our stage and sing songs and hear a message. We have so many different types of children,
but most of them are not Christian.
Today I was noticing the different types of responses I observed when we
are singing songs. We have the students
who mumble the words, unsure of the tune, but are willing to try. We have the students who look like they would
rather be anywhere else in the world than at chapel in that moment. We have students that look like they are
sleeping. Finally, we have students that
sing out loud, loving the worship time that we have. They may not know the tune, but that does not
stop them from worshiping.
I lived in Shenzhen, China for six months shortly after
graduating from college. Shenzhen is a
very large city in mainland China that is about an hour ferry ride away from
Hong Kong. Recently, nationals in the
city of Shenzhen had been allowed to start going to church in the country and worshiping. This was big for China and
I looked forward to being able to go to church with internationals and Chinese
nationals. A worker at my school invited
some coworkers and myself to attend church with him on a Friday.
A lot of the people in the congregation had been recent
converts within the last year. Before
church, I was able to sit down and have a meal with a lot of the people and
talk to them about the city and life in China.
Everyone was very nice and hospitable and was eager to talk in English
and teach us some Chinese. Then it came time to worship. Their service is very similar to the format
of a normal church service where you have worship and then a message. We stood when it came time for the first
song, “Whom Shall I fear?” to be sung. As
soon as I opened my mouth to sing, a barrage of noise just hit my ears. I was taken back by voices that were just
yelling at the wrong pitches for the song.
I couldn’t even hear my voice or catch a recognizable tune from all the
sound. My instant first thought was “This
is the ugliest singing I have ever heard in my life.”
After that initial thought, I stopped myself to listen and
watch. After my initial feeling of
disgust, it dawned on me that what I had instantly judged as being ugly, was
one of the more beautiful moments I had seen and heard. The people around me were so happy to be worshiping God. They were free to
praise Him and their voices showed it. They
could sing/shout to the Father and let themselves go. It was a marvelous freedom to be part of. It didn’t matter that they didn’t hit the
notes of the melody, because their voices were glorifying God just as much as
the most impressive choir. Singing to
God without abandon was beautiful. They
had truly embraced 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the
new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
At a smaller level, I understood this freedom. As a preteen, there was nothing more that I
wanted than to sing songs at my weekly school chapel as loud as I could. Singing brought for me a wonderful happiness
and freedom that was needed at the time.
My junior high years were filled with bullies that had no room for
acceptance of a girl that was the daughter of a teacher. It wasn’t cool to sing loud back then. It was cool to sit there quietly and look
bored (as a teacher now, I can say unfortunately I think it is still cool to
this day.) I often fought with myself to
just sing out or silence my voice and whisper the songs that I loved. Singing out would cause everyone to laugh and
make fun of me that I sat next to, so I often just sang at a very low volume
keeping my head down to not draw attention.
I felt trapped. It was later on
in life, when I was able to block out the world around me, fix my eyes on
Jesus, and just sing glories to him, that I came alive. It frustrates me a lot as a teacher that the "cool" thing to do to this day is not sing or even try, but to look bored.
Just an add on: I have
been thinking about the Chinese that I witnessed bring glory and joy to God
with their voices and have thought how I may also do the same in other aspects
of my life. Recently, I started going to
the gym with my husband. I am very
overweight while he is very in shape.
Every time I walk into the gym, I am afraid that others will judge and
make fun of me for my size. I know
however that I have not been honoring my temple and my body in the way that I
should, and wish to glorify God with my body and health. Part of me doesn’t want to work out in front
of people knowing that I will face judgment from everyone around me. However, can I work out and show the joy of
the Lord? Can I glorify God by working out
and be a testimony for him? Think about
all aspects of your life where you have an opportunity to give glory to God and
think about what is holding you back from fully worshiping without
abandon. Is it the fear that you will be
judged and condemned? Is it the fear
that you will stick out?
One of the favorite refrains to sing is this:
“Turn your eyes upon
Jesus,
Look full in his
wonderful face.
And the things of
earth will turn strangely dim,
In the light of his
glory and grace.”
Let us Fix our eyes on Jesus and nothing else in all
activities of our daily life!
