Power Outages and Cooking

How is your week going?  I hope it is going well.  School has gotten underway at my school, and we could really use your prayers this year!  Almost all of our teachers are in country (yeah!), and the students are slowly settling back into the groove of going to school.  Our school has several new students, although none in my class (which one of my students was quick to point out that my class also was the only one without new students last year), but knows what the year will hold!  God is good, and I am excited to see the Spirit move throughout our students and our community!

Apparently while I was in the United States this summer, Suriname did not experience a lot of rainfall.  Because of this, our lake that powers our hydroelectric dam is not full enough to meet the electricity needs of the city.  The government has decided to compensate for this by having power outages every other day that last for several hours.  I am not quite sure how long these are scheduled to last, but I have heard as late as December.  These, I have decided, are actually a blessing in disguise.  Because of these power outages, I have found myself with more time to read!  I was able to finish a couple of books this weekend, which is great, because my reading list has gotten longer and longer.  Currently, I am reading Jane Austen's Emma.  I have been wanting to read this book for a long time, and am thankful for the time given to read it.  Meanwhile, I pray that God sends rain to fill up our lake, a request that He is already answering by sending torrential rain last week.  

I have been in Suriname almost three weeks now, and can say that I am ecstatic about cooking!  I tightened my food budget a little bit more this year, and am fully relying on cooking affordable meals at home.  So far, I have found it very relaxing and exciting to see how many different ways I can cook some very similar ingredients.  One of the best finds I have found was some "green beans' at the corner Chinese store.  They were cheap and I plan on having some for lunch tomorrow!  My main ingredients are potatoes, onions, spinach (frozen), bell peppers (frozen), frozen veggies, pasta, olive oil, apples, and eggs.  Tonight, I made pizza with whole-wheat tortillas, spinach, onions, peppers, pasta sauce and mozzarella cheese.  I am hoping that this passion for cooking continues.  I am really enjoying it!  If you have any simple recipe ideas, I would love to hear them!  Jan Heien, let's make tortilla pizzas when I come home, okay?

May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Music of Suriname

      What a beautiful night last night was in Suriname.  Despite my Ipod dying this week, God has still taken the opportunity to give me music.  As I laid in my hammock and relaxed, I was surrounded by the music of this slow-moving country that I call home.  To the right of me is a church where women are singing, "How Great Thou Art," and it was very tempting to go join them in their melody.  They are accompanied by my harmonious musings of my neighbor, who often can be found sporting a Gandhi-like diaper. He is singing as well-except not any song in particular, just a nonsensical harmony.  Behind the church there was a soccer game that adds to the song with shouting in Dutch and the rhythmic thud of kicking back and forth, with the occasional triumphant shout.  Even the barking dogs to my left added a nice percussive sound.  All around birds were chirping, motorbikes were put-putting, and one of my roommates was starting to prepare dinner.  And I can't help but be silent, because when words fail, music speaks.

"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee.  How Great Thou Art, How Great Thou Art!


   I feel like God was romancing me last night.  He knows our wants, and our desires.  He loves to see us smile-and wants to be a part of our lives.  We are pursued, bought, and set free by God.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."-Zephaniah 3:17

Running the Race

Hello!

So, I am a notorious last minute packer.  I tend to procrastinate in getting things done and waiting until the last minute.  However, I finished three hours ahead of schedule, so I thought I would take the time out to write a blog post on what has been going through my head today, which is a lot!

I have been able to have a lot of fresh starts in my life. All of these fresh starts have always been made easier to do based on the fact that I was running away from something or some situation at the time.  It is very easy to run away, and I can say that I have become very good at it.  Tangent:  I recently got this Journal which asks you a question everyday, and today's question was actually, "What are you running away from. (end tangent)"  However, this is the first time that I am going back to the same place, and am not starting over. 

Now, instead of running away from something, I feel the urge to run towards something.

My goal for the rest of 2014 is to strive for this verse.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. -2 Timothy 4:7

It is sad to admit, but I don't think I have been fighting my hardest.  I feel like I have been holding back.  Whether it was to please people, or to protect them from being hurt, I have felt that I have not been going that extra mile.  I have gotten caught up in earthly things...and I have been afraid, and I have not always had the heart of a servant.  This summer I was very lackadaisical.  From a health standpoint, my diet was not as good as it should have been, and I did not exercise as regularly as I should have.  Needless to say, I have a fight waiting for me in South America. 

But, like I said earlier, I want to run towards something, not away.  

I am still trying to figure out what that something is that I am running towards, maybe it is a hole I have had in my life or something that is missing.  I do know that this race leads me towards a more intimate relationship with God, a relationship that I am excited to pursue.  I have a feeling a great romance is going to be realized this year! 

1 Corinthians 9:24
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Think of Paul, who stated in Acts:

Acts 20:24
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.

Do you think it was easy for Paul to do everything he did?  I can guarantee you that surviving being stoned was probably not easy.  Preaching to people who wanted to kill you was probably not easy.  And constantly having to leave your friends behind with no real easy way of contacting them (remember, no Skype, Facetime, or Facebook in the Bible) wasn't easy either.  He did it though.  Paul lived his life for the Lord.  

Selfishly, I think this is probably the hardest it every has been to leave.  This summer has shown me a friends and family circle that is full of warmth and love and support.  I am so very thankful for all of the people that God has placed in my life, and am finding it really hard to leave.  However, I am going where God calls me.  Right now, I am called to go.  Go to a place that might have conflict, drama and hardship.  However, I will get to see my kids.  I am so excited to see my students and talk to them.  God is good, and I know this year is going to be a great year full of change and romance!  Prayers for safe travel!

So, what are you running towards? 

From Critical to Captivating

All quotations are from Stasi Eldredge

A student asked me if I was pregnant today.  This is one of several times one of the students has made a comment about my weight here, and I am sure it won’t be the last.  In the past, these comments destroyed me.  I would think about skipping meals, or running myself into the ground.  The comment would basically define my day, if not week. 

“Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us – whether from a driven culture or a driven church – is try harder.”

I use to look in the mirror and only see a monster.  I thought I was hideous, a waste of space, time, and energy.  I saw no beauty or worth in myself.  I would cry many times I went clothing shopping because of a constant need to compare myself to my slender sister, and an inability for clothing stores to manufacture clothes that would fit my boobs, belly, and thighs.  Everything about me was wrong and a mistake.  It consumed a part of my life.

“Nothing is out of reach for Jesus.”

Over the past year, my thoughts have changed drastically.  It is my hope that you don’t see that girl anymore.  A lot of my stress, worries, and overall problems came from the negativity looming over my head like a cloud.  My lack of self-esteem and confidence affected my relationships with boyfriends, friends, and family.  I would take my insecurities out on food, eating large amounts of food, and then immediately regretting it.  I would get very angry and disappointed at myself and feel like a colossal failure. 

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”

While I am certainly not my biggest, I am also not the smallest I have ever been.  I am right now pretty much in the middle.  I do know though, that I have been focusing more on my lifestyle choices.  I am firmly confident that I will not be able to give up pizza for the rest of my life, nor do I feel like should have to.  I also know however, that I need to exercise pretty consistently if I just want to feel all around better.  I really enjoy running (never thought I would say that), playing sports, and dancing.  My main focus is being happy, and avoiding the things that bring down my confidence.

 “A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important.”

For me, competition sometimes brings comparison.  I tended to be my unhappiest when I was comparing.  When you embrace the person that God has made you, and recognize that you are beautifully and wonderfully made, than you can push the negatives aside.  Know that comparing is always a losing battle.  Since we are all uniquely made for a unique purpose with a unique set of gifts, it is impossible to completely match yourself up with another individual and see if you are better.  That is not how we were created!  Also, I am guaranteed to mess up in life, due to the fact that I am a sinner.  However, I am still loved unconditionally by God

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“We can be satisfied. We are loved, wanted, seen, delighted in, provided for, cherished, chosen, known, and planned on. We are set apart, believed in, invited, valued, of immeasurable worth, and blessed.”

I did not write this entry for pity or sympathy.  I wrote it for a renewal of strength.  Part of me also feels that my thoughts and insecurities are also shared by others.  If they are, know that I am praying for you!  You are loving, captivating, woman of worth!  Be proud of who you are, and who made you!

I'm Spoken for.

It brings me great joy to say that I am spoken for.
By the strongest man who ever lived, and the smartest as well.
He calls me his Beloved. 

This man can turn water into wine.
He can heal the sick and raise the dead.
He quiets my soul.

and I am his. Forever.
He always keeps his promises.
He is the best listener.

Some might call me lucky, but I call myself blessed.
Blessed to be loved by someone so perfect.
He loves me enough that he wants us to spend eternity together, regardless of the price, he paid it.
He made me a house with Him, I can't wait to see it.

This wondrous love is all I need, it is more than enough.  He often needs to remind me of that.  That I am His, and He is mine.  I am blessed, and so are you, to be spoken for.

Is He really there? Is He real?

It has been a couple of weeks since the P.E. teacher asked this question to my students.  He told them to really think about it and be honest with how they felt.  I had a feeling that not all of my students were firm believers, so I was not that surprised when one of them said, "I am not quite sure if I believe all that."  We had never really concretely talked about our walks with God and where we were on the journey.  This response woke me up a bit.  It was an honest response. 

This student has been struggling with the power and idea of God.  This child is very street smart.  He knows for the most part how life works.  He understands grown-up humor (sarcasm), and is the best at getting social cues in my class.  That being said, he has a hard time believing in the unknown.  He plants his solid feet into the known and what he knows.  In all honesty, that is a very easy thing to do.  Faith is hard in that aspect.  Having faith involves such a high balance of trust, that for many, it may seem hard to understand.  Often times during Bible he will just tell me, "Miss, this is just really hard to believe."  And the questions they ask!  Questions that I never asked as a child, because it was stuff that I had always grown up with and accepted to be true.  But these questions the children ask are questions that deserve to be asked.  They make you think about what you believe, and why you believe it.   

Last week this student came forward with a prayer request about his family.  Normally, he does not have a prayer request.  Sometimes if I ask him if he has one, he will think of something to pray about.  This time, he asked for prayer before I could even suggest it.  This shows that gears are clicking.  Gears are clicking, and I am pumped.  True, this student still zones out in Bible class constantly, and I have to struggle with him to say his memory work, but he is getting it.  I pray constantly for this child, and I hope that you will too!  In him, I see the potential to do many great things in life.  I have faith in him, and I hope that his relationship with God will continue to grow. 

Despite some litter, I am fully convinced that I live in a beautiful country.  The sunrises and the sunsets blow me away.  I sometimes just stare out into the world from my balcony and am just taken back by the creation God has made.  To me, it is easy to see God in nature. His power and design are evident.

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon, and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?  You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.  You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet, all flocks and herds, the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas." -Psalm 8:3-8

Heal the Anger

2 Corinthians 4:16-18-"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I continually find it remarkable how God reminds us of His presence.  One of the teachers this morning made an announcement asking for extra Bibles.  She needed some more Bibles for the students in the Bible room.  Since I currently have 3 students in my class, I knew I would be able to part with some extra Bibles.  After the meeting, I went to my bookshelf to retrieve the Bibles.  While pulling one out, a paper fell from its pages.  On it was listed 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.  As I read it, I very much felt reassured by God.

Over the past couple of months I have been struggling with a friendship.  I had a friendship that in the past I had invested time and trust and was really fighting to keep going.  It took a while to see, but it became clear that the person was no longer interested in being my friend.  Initially, I was very puzzled and confused as to why the person felt this way.  A part of me very much still is confused.  But now, I am hurt by this person, and as a result of this anger has settled into my heart.  I feel that I was used before, and not cool enough to be still considered a friend (the second part is pretty silly for a 24 year old to think who is no longer in school).  Anger has settled into my heart, and I have been praying to God to rid me of this anger.  I, probably like many people, would rather be happy than angry. 

This passage from scripture talks about being steadfast to God.  It talks about focusing on our eternal needs and not our earthly ones.  Though there is anger in my heart, it will only be temporary, just like everything on Earth.  I know that God will help me through the pain I feel in this relationship and that eventually, the anger will disappear.  He has done it before, and God is faithful!

Try and see how God is talking to you today!