Monday, July 25, 2016

Low Confidence up the Wazoo, Should a person with ADHD be planning a wedding, and the Start of Year 4!

Hello all,
Today is my last full day in America as a Heien.  When I come back I will be a Bolwerk!  In less than two weeks I was will be getting married and starting a new job as a middle school teacher at the school that I have worked at for the last three years.  Before that though, I have a wedding.

And I am keeping the tradition alive of a blog post before I leave for the airport.  I have for the most part finished packing and will be leaving for the airport in 2 hours and 15 minutes!

That being said, planning a wedding has been a struggle.  First, planning a wedding involves organization.  I have always known that I did not have a strength in organization and that it would be something that I have to work really really hard to accomplish.  Just look at my teacher’s desk or bedroom and you will see some flaws in the organization.  Second, I am a people pleaser.  People have told me this before, and I can see during this part of my life that it is a very true statement.  I just want to make people happy on my wedding.  I want no fighting and great times.  Also, if I could, I would invite many more people, however with limited space, I am not able to invite everyone that I have ever met in Suriname-phooey.  Third, I am trying my best to mix both the Surinamese culture with the American culture in a way that no one will find offensive (people pleaser, remember).  The harsh reality is that right now, I am failing and I know that.  It is very humbling, and the whole concept of planning a wedding has lowered my confidence as an adult and a competent planner.  I find myself comparing what I do to others, asking myself if I am doing this the right way. 

Well, thankfully, I have found out-after my friend Molly told me, that there is more than one right way to do things sometimes.  We might now always see that because someone else’s right way may not be our right way, which can then be construed to thinking that their way is wrong.  It is the same with weddings!  My wedding may not be the same as your wedding or your friend’s wedding, but that doesn’t mean it is a wrong wedding!!!  Heading into this great day in my life with low confidence and doubt in myself is not healthy; because that will pool into my marriage.  I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman and that is a goal I strive for, however, I should also reflect and enjoy the person that I am that God has made.  Miguel, my fiancé, loves this person and does not want to marry anyone else but pure Anne.  He doesn’t love Anne pretending to be someone else, or Anne who is comparing herself to someone else. 

Also, my wedding has really come together this past month.  While I was in the United States I was able to get a dress, wedding details, and some things for our apartment.  Miguel has helped set up our home, gotten other wedding details done, and gotten his suit from the tailor.  I also received a lot of generous gifts from family and friends who are not able to be present at our wedding, but will be present in spirit!  One of the great things that happened this three weeks was a surprise bridal shower thrown by my high school friends.  Some of the friends I had not seen in years!  It was a great gathering and a great party filled with friends who also accepted Anne the way she was (very weird, quirky, and hyperactive) in high school. 

So, I am heading back to Suriname!  Year 4!  A lot of changes, a lot of transitions, a lot of unanswered questions.  But instead of doubt, I will lean on the one certainty I have in my life, the one constant, and the one I put my trust-Jesus Christ!  I look forward to seeing old coworkers and new, to opening up new subject books, and learning!


Prayers for my family who are traveling down to Suriname in a week!  And they told me they would never come J.  

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