(Brief apology for the lack of fluidity through this post, I
am getting back into the writing thing-so it may take a bit to get the flow
going)
James 3:1-2
“Not many of you
should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach
will be judged more strictly. We all
stumble in many ways. If anyone is never
at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in
check.”
I became an international teacher in January of 2013, when I
moved to China to teach 3rd and 4th grade. Before this, I had been to Europe a couple of
times for band and choir in college, and had become fascinated with life
outside of the United States and the adventures that traveling could
bring. This time I was going overseas
for six months to live and work in a completely different atmosphere then what
I had been use to.
And I was young and inexperienced. I had never taught ESL students before;
especially to the level of the students I had in China. My six months there was rough in the
classroom. I loved my students so
much. I cried over pictures of them as I
prayed that they would one day go against all odds and form a relationship with
Christ. I truly cared for my
students.
But I was a bad teacher.
Why? As much as I loved and cared
about my students, I put their education in second place compared to my
adventures. I did not spend as much time
in my classroom planning and grading. I
did not lesson plan that well. I did not
establish a concrete grading book. My English
lessons were not that cohesive and my social studies were barely existent. I could say that I did not have set curriculum
and was missing teacher guides and textbooks, which I was, but that just meant
I should have worked harder and more creatively to help my students grow academically. It was here that I learned that you just can’t
rely on your intellect alone if you want to be a good teacher, you need to be
prepared.
But almost every weekend, I gave in to the inner struggle I
had to work in my classroom and instead went on Chinese adventures. I went to Hong Kong and Macau. I went exploring on the subway. I got to meet people and do crazy interesting
things. It was great. But what wasn’t great was the feeling I would
get when I would step back into the classroom unprepared to teach, but only
prepared to love. For that I am
sorry. Especially as an elementary teacher,
I am sorry for any setbacks I have given that class when it comes to
fundamentals of learning. You see, this
classroom was my primary ministry, not my personal craving for excitement and
adventure. I was selfish instead of selfless.
Then I moved to Suriname.
Despite the huge amount of Chinese people living here, Suriname is not
China. All of the crazy adventures and
fun that I had access to in the past were limited. I had teacher guides, easy access to my
school on the weekend, and better access to American resources; there were no
excuses I could give for things that could hinder my teaching. I also gained a new label to my
role-missionary.
I am not just a teacher.
I am a missionary and tentmaker (self-supporting.) Just like the profession of teacher, my role
does not have an end. My job requirement
is that I encompass Christ’s character in all my actions inside the school,
outside the school, and outside the country, even on vacations. I need to be a new creation and a stranger to
the world. I need to be loving and compassionate,
giving thanks in all circumstances. I
needed to have joy in my new role.
It is not easy to be a teacher. It is not easy to be a missionary. It is not easy to be under a microscope
sometimes. It is not easy to strip all
of your assumed morals based on American culture aside, and instead cling to
the Gospel. This role calls for us to be
selfless. The Bible states that not all
are meant to be teachers because of harshness that we will be judged.
One of the hardest adjustments I had to make when I moved to
South America, is adjusting to a different viewpoint of cultural morality. As a single empowered American woman, I was
use to going where I wanted, hanging out with whoever I wanted, and doing what
I wanted so long as it glorified Christ.
The problem is that I did not stay in the United States, so I needed to
not act like I was in the United States.
I need to show respect to the culture that I am and the school that I am
representing. That going out with friends to the bar every
weekend and having good time could have consequences on my reputation as a
missionary even if I was not drinking alcohol.
That I made the choice to leave my culture and go to a new one, and that
I need to be respectful of that. Suriname
is also a very small country, where I run into people that either know my
school or me personally all the time.
Think of a small town vibe, but it’s the whole country. When I first got here, I felt slightly
suffocated by the restrictions put on me.
I found during that first year that my desperate need for independence
and fun needed to be transformed into reliance and dependence on God. I can say that while I have been in Suriname I
have had blessings that God has blessed me with in the form of local friends
and family, a husband, adventures, and a home.
These were all blessings found while I was in Him.
Now, if my family is reading this, they may be saying, well
Anne, I think you care a little bit too much about your job and not enough
about your health. And I would agree
with them to some extent. I do need to
take more rest because my health has been suffering for the past year and a
half. What is important however, is how
I am resting. Do I find rest by
watching mindless TV and doing things that could mar my reputation as a
missionary and teacher, or do I find rest in the Lord and my Bible. I think that rest is not an excuse to not be
ambassador for Christ. In everything
that we do, we are to glorify God.
We have been talking a lot about living in the flesh vs.
living in the Spirit in my Bible class.
I don’t want to be a selfish individual masquerading as a
missionary. The Bible clearly states
that what is of the flesh is contrary to the Spirit. During our discussions, this passage keeps on
coming up.
Galatians 5
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But
do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another
humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch
out or you will be destroyed by each other.
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify
the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the
Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with
each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you
are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality,
impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord,
jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and
envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that
those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.
Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have
crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the
Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,
provoking and envying each other.
Another passage that came up was:
Ephesians 5
1 Follow God’s
example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love,
just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and
sacrifice to God.
3 But among you
there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity,
or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor
should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of
place, but rather thanksgiving.
I sincerely hope that my time as a missionary is shown by
fruit of the Spirit and not fruit of the flesh.
I want to live with the joy and freedom that can only be given from
Christ. It is often when we shift our
eyes to worldly things and things that we think we are entitled to and deserve
(like my sense of adventure and exploration) that we lose sight of the joy
found in Christ. It is then that we see
our current lives as burdens and start to look at pleasing our selfish ambition
instead of doing the will of God. It is
my hope that as the school year continues, I will stand up to harsh judgment,
walk in the Spirit, and become more selfless.
My agenda is not always God’s plan.
But God’s plan is always good.
Dear Lord,
Let me truly be an ambassador for you. Let me not get bogged down by things that
bring me joy and worldly satisfaction, but be content in your plan. Lord, I count your blessings and they are
numerous. Let me find joy in obedience
to you. Help me when I find myself
struggling, that I may fix my eyes on you again. Help guide me to be a good educator for the
children and a vessel for the Gospel.
Let my days in the classroom be purposeful and my time in Suriname be
directly in accordance to your will. Amen
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